ambition vs. inertia

One problem that I have in my life is that I often feel like I should “do something,” but the what of what I’m supposed to do completely stumps me. I’m almost scared to admit it, because it makes me sound like such a boring person, but most of the time if I feel like I want to do something, my first thought is “well, I can’t sit at home on the internet all day! Let me pack my computer up and go to Starbucks and sit on the internet all day instead”. How sad is that!?

Things that I would like to do more of in my life include exercising – I’d love to get back in the hoop again – and… I can’t think of much else except a nebulous “something”. Reading? Writing? These are all things that aren’t actually that hard to do, but I have a hard time doing anything at the drop of a hat. I’d prefer to have things planned from the day before, if possible, but that requires me to actually make a plan the day before. For a while, I was pretty good at using my planner; maybe if I got back into that again, I’d have a busier life!

I also worry that it says more than I’d like about my willingness to start making the changes to my life that I would like to implement. I don’t want to work for anyone else, ideally; I’d like to have a career working solely for myself, but that requires more than just wishful thinking. It requires that you’re not one of those “creative types” who never actually create anything – and being one of those people is one of my worst fears. The only thing you need to do to become one of them is absolutely nothing. So hey, time to break out the planner and make sure that it’s full!


Wish list

Screen Shot 2015-02-11 at 01.55.35

I love shopping, like so many girls, and I have a bad habit of going shopping for things I don’t need and I didn’t want until I saw them in the shop. I’m trying to save money for my upcoming trip to Australia, so obviously I shouldn’t be spending my money on any old thing. So I made a wish list! Anything on this list, I am allowed to get. Anything not on it… I’d try to say I’m absolutely forbidden, but that’s probably the quickest way to make sure I’m gonna go shopping (I like to be contrary)! So I’ll say I have to think very hard about it before I actually get something that’s not on here.

1. Cashmere by Lime crime

I love this greyish nude. I have a sneaking suspicion it might make me look slightly dead, but I’m ok with that. I love Posture by Illamasqua as well, which is definitely zombie-fying on me. I miiiight also sneak a Carousel lipgloss into my order if/when I get this, but only if I’ve been very good and deserve a treat.

2. A strappy lingerie set

I love sexy lingerie and I don’t have enough of it. I’d love something by Agent Provocateur but I just don’t feel like I want to spend quite that much money on underwear. Maybe if someone else bought it for me! In the meantime, there’s a Victoria’s Secret set I’ve been eyeing for a while, and I feel like there’s a chance I might just have to go buy it for myself pretty soon.

3. Valentino pumps

Now, I will settle for something similar, but these are my dream pumps. I don’t really wear heels a lot, so right now the only pair I’ve got left are my pink sparkly Litas. Not exactly an inconspicuous shoe! So I need to get something a bit more toned-down. And these pumps are my holy grail. I hated them when I first saw them, but more often than not, that’s a sign I’ll end up loving whatever it is (yeah, don’t ask me how that works). I’d prefer buying a nice pair that will last me a long time to buying fifteen pairs of shoes I can use three times each and then they fall apart.

4. Mid-size bag

I have a big bag and a few small ones I can take with me if I go out, but I need a mid size one that I can fit my wallet, a water bottle and a few more things in. I have very specific requirements for it, so I haven’t found the perfect one yet, but when I do, I am snapping it up on the spot! I want one I can sling over my shoulder, slightly slouchy but still with some structure, and preferably a zipper rather than a flap. For some reason nothing like that seems to ever come my way, but I’m prepared to wait a long time for the right one.


This year, I am doing New Years resolutions for once. I’ve got two separate ones, but I think the one I’m most excited to get going with is my sartorial one! I want to develop my personal style into something I’m really happy with, taking inspiration from Lolita fashion and other cute styles. My specific goals are these:
1. Dress nicely three days a week at least
2. Never buy anything that doesn’t go with the rest of my wardrobe and my style vision
3. Clear out my wardrobe and let go of the things I no longer like or need

And my other goal is, like so many people, to get back in shape. I haven’t done any hoops in months! Which is really sad, because I still love it and I want to keep doing it and keep improving. Specifically, by April 30th this year I want to be able to do five chin ups and a muscle up invert!

breath of fresh air

I feel like ever since I got back from New Zealand I have a new purpose in life, and new direction. I reckon I was pretty depressed before I left, and I didn’t even know it! I just thought I was being my normal, hateful self, and I didn’t realise that I’d crossed the line into something that was hurting myself rather than just being fed up with people. Then, when I came back and I felt like everything was so much lighter and so much less stagnant, I realised that compared to before, there was a huge difference (still hate most people though).

Now, I feel like I want to make the most of my life, and I want to set some actual, realisable goals to get there, rather than just going out into the world and hoping for the best. I do have a tendency to float along rather than grabbing life by the throat and squeezing the breath out of it. It’s not the worst thing you can do, but it’s probably not going to bring you anywhere fun, either!

My first goal is to pass the Intermediate 1 hoops course I wasn’t able to pass last time (too weak and noodle-y!), and to do that, I will 1. take the course again rather than just going to individual practice time and hoping I’ll get there, and 2. join a gym so I am able to focus more properly on the muscle groups I need, rather than trying to do something I can’t physically do yet and getting frustrated and giving up.

Easy peasy!

happy belated australia day!

After a long wait of three whole weeks (worst three weeks of my life I swear!) Pole divas finally opened up again last week so I can spin to my heart’s content! I thought last term had made me strong as a bear, and I’ve been trying to keep it up during the Christmas break, but I’m still finding muscle groups I just haven’t used ever. I’m sure I’ll get stronger pretty quickly but right now I’m just dumbfounded as to how I apparently use my back muscles for nothing.

I also had callouses before, but during the break they started peeling off. A good sign if I ever decide I need soft lady hands again, but since they actually have their uses I was sad to see them go. Now, I have to build them up again, and that means a few weeks of blistered hands:



It’s not pretty!

it’s a bit like flying

Yesterday was my grading day at Aerial Divas! I was mildly nervous, but of course I needn’t be as  I have lovely style (hey – these are not my words, I am just repeating what my instructor said about me).


I’m just so happy that I found a hobby that I love, and that is bringing positivity into my life. I’ve never been interested in exercising before, but now I just want my body to be stronger so I can do more tricks. It’s very exciting!


Excuse that crazy hair.

circus princess in the making

Last Sunday, I went to the open day I mentioned a few posts down, at Pole Divas in Richmond, and it has already pretty much taken over my life, even though the course I signed up for hasn’t even started yet!

I got there at a quarter to two, after faffing about trying to find the anonymous doorway for a few minutes (turns out that if I’d kept my eyes peeled for pink and black balloons, I would have been fine, but don’t catch me being observant or anything). I got to sign some papers saying that if I died they weren’t responsible, had a look at the stripper heels, and then we were off!

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the hoops class – I’m very weak, seeing as any exercise I ever do tends to be all about my legs rather than my arms, so I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to do anything. Turns out, I was wrong! Granted, I did get some help getting up into that hoop, but once I was up there, I felt like a regulation circus princess! I completely forgot how my poor muscles absolutely couldn’t take it just because it was so much fun. (And when I say they couldn’t take it, I really mean it – I could barely slice an apple when I got back home!)

After that, the pole dancing lesson just wasn’t up to par – it was fun, for sure, but I was already enamoured of the hoops, and you know how you get sometimes in the first throes of new love – nothing else even registers. So I signed up for hoops on the spot, and nearly cried when she told me classes wouldn’t actually start for another two weeks. I’ll just have to use this time to build up my strength a bit!

Image from

So from the 29th onwards, I will have one thing only in my head. I only wish I could do it every single day!

NaNoWriMo 2013

Ever since 2007, I have (sporadically) done Nanowrimo: National novel writing month. You’re meant to write a novel of at least 50.000 words in November (even if it’s shit! Editing it is for when you’re actually done!), and if you manage that, you win! One of the things I’d really like to do during my year in Australia is start in on my dream of writing for a living and actually do something about it – you’ll never be an author if you don’t actually write, right? So my bad habit of procrastinating ends now.

When I say I’ve done NaNoWriMo in previous years, I mean not really to the fullest extent because I have never actually finished it. I’ll give myself a bronze star for participating – failure is the best way of working out what doesn’t work for you, after all! With that in mind I should know exactly what to so by now though, so this time I’m here to win.

One thing I’d like to do differently this year, for example, is that I’d like to go to some meetups for participants. I think that having someone cheer you on can definitely make a difference if you’re not used to actually writing all the time, so I am hoping that will help me stick to my goals. I also don’t really know anyone except the Captain here in Melbourne yet, so I am keen to get to know some people so that I can get out of her hair and let her do her own thing once in a while! The first one I can make is tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll have loads to report after that. Here’s to a really productive November!

future pole dancing expert

I keep saying that as soon as we’ve moved into our new flat, I would start doing all the cool things that I always wanted to do. It’s easy to say for sure, but sometimes it’s not so easy to actually do! This time, it definitely will be, though.

One of the things I’ve been wanting to do for a while is take pole dancing classes, and I’ve been checking out Pole Divas. They have a lot of studios and offer both pole, hoops and silks (which, for those of you who are unaware, is that thing circus princesses do when they tangle themselves up in two massive scarfs and then fall all the way down to the floor, miraculously stopping just two inches above it. I’d be terrified but I’m super keen to try). The very best part is that in two weeks (that is one week after we’ve moved) they are holding an open day! How serendipitous. One of their locations is very close to our flat, so I’m going to go there and check it out! They have one studio in Richmond that is offering a hoops class, which I definitely need to check out as well. Hopefully by Sunday in two weeks I’ll know which classes are right for me, and I’ll be well on my way to becoming an expert in pole dancing!

Vegan week take one

A few days ago, I decided to go fully vegan for a week. I’ve been a vegetarian of varying levels of commitment for over ten years now, and ever since I started hanging out with more vegans a year and a half ago, I’ve slowly but surely made my way towards less and less animal products.

That said, vegan week was a massive fail.

I think partly it was because I didn’t research enough and only realised halfway through my meal that I might be eating egg noodles (I wasn’t), and partly because I’m not sure where to draw the line. Apparently, in most chain sushi places in the UK, they use mayonnaise on their gloves when preparing the sushi!? Does not knowing that make your meal non-vegan or are you excused on account of what the hell, who has ever heard anything so stupid before? (Like seriously. I am so put off. Even if I haven’t completely eliminated eggs from my diet the though of mayonnaise in my sushi makes me want to vomit.)

Obviously, that’s one of those questions everyone has to answer for themselves, but until I can decide what my answer is I don’t feel like I can fully commit. Because of that, I have a new goal; rather than going fully vegan for a week, I will choose vegan options when feasible (such as when I’m cooking for myself or buying groceries) and allow myself some leniency when it’s not (if I’m grabbing food on the go or going out with people who don’t appreciate veggie restaurants). One major benefit of that is I think I’ll be able to stick with it for longer than a week, as well!